Saturday, June 30, 2007


Well, today was the parade. Buddy is always in it. The last few years he has borrowed a tractor and a hay wagon from a friend. This year he put the Witte Log Saw on the hay wagon. It was a challenge and he almost didn't get it on the hay wagon from his trailer. I did ask him if he missed Rick. And he said Yes!!! Rick always helped him load the engines on the trailer and the last several years he's been Rickless. But like I said he did get it on, took him 4 tries and some praying on my part, but he got it on. He got up early this morning and got it decorated.
Evan and my father in law were on the float and Buddy's Uncle Allen was on his International Picker. Evan has decided he loves spending time with Uncle Bud. Last weekend he spent alot of time with Buddy at the engine show. He kept an eye on him for me because I couldn't go. So it was good.
But I'm getting sidetracked.
Buddy did get 2nd place on best 4th of July theme on the float. Buddy's gotten 2-2nd places and a 1st place. But he doesn't do it for the trophies he does it for the fun of being in the parade.
I got to spend some time with my family. I chanced being outside more today, I hope I don't spend my night coughing but if I do it was worth it to be able to spend time with my family. I pray it's just my asthma being abnormal and not something more.
The other thing is I can't believe June is almost gone. There are so many things I want to do this summer, I guess if I run out of summer it will need to be done in the some other time.
This was a good day. God is Good and God never changes.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


Ok I changed the blog title. Murmurs is defined as : to remain, to stay overnight, to stay permanently. I don't want to stay in one place permanently. I won't achieve any of my goals I have. So I changed it. Also the Isrealites murmured alot and look what happened to them! They wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years on a trip that was suppose to take 11 days!! All because they murmured!!! I don't want to murmur, I've circled that mountain one tooo many times. So I'm talking instead.
Ok I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and I loss 5 pounds! I close to getting back to my starting weight! Whoohoo! Starting weight was in January. Actually I want to lose at least 20 pounds before school starts and with that 5 I just may do it. With the help of walking with Leslie Sansone. I'm finally starting to see something. So to put anything in my mouth after walking my duff off, let's just say I'm watching it. :-)
It's been a good day. Hard night spent coughing a lot. I'm not sure if it's my asthma or what. I just wish God could vaacum all the mucus out of my lungs. I'm so tired of coughing. I did make a dr. appt. but the day I made it my doc went on vacation. So I have one for july 19th. sigh. I can't spend much time outside, so that's why I walk inside. It will get better I just pray that God gives me the strength to get thru it.
Not much going on. Buddy's preparing for the parade. That should be fun.
Have a good one.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

A year later

It was a year ago that I finally started the process of getting my life back on track.
When my son was diagnosed with MS I tried to depend on my faith in God, but worry had started to overtake my life and shook that faith. But I really didn't know this until school was out.
I've always said that I come from a line of worriers. My Grandma was a worrier, my Mom is a worrier and I was destined to be one too. But worry was my enemy.
After school let out I had nothing to distract me from focusing on issues that I knew were coming up. Rick's insurance was going to run out and I was scrambling to find someone to insure him. I met with the same response: "Your son has a pre-existing condition and we can't insure him." I came up with the a response too. "You are denying the people who need the insurance the most."
I was always faced with the same response "I'm sorry but that's the companies policy" and "I would say you need to change it!!"
Worry started chipping away at my faith. A faith I thought was strong. I was eating, excessively, not sleeping, not believing there would be a solution. I thought Rick would have to stop taking his medicine and he would start to get worse. I didn't want to see my son become more and more crippled by a fickle disease. I knew the medicine kept him at a remission state. I kept on singing the song "I'll praise you in the storm" by Casting Crowns. I was waiting for God to come in and save the day, to take away Rick's MS, but he didn't. I kept crying to God to help me fix it! But I was met with silence.
I was channel surfing one day, I would surf thru the christian channels so I would hear some kind of positive message when I heard the words, "Worry means you don't trust God!"
Well, that got my attention. The christian speaker was Joyce Meyer and she was teaching on worry. I listened to what she had to say and listened to other teachings. I did order the CD on that teaching and quite a few others that I felt would help me.
When the CD came in the mail I plugged myself in and listened to the message. The words of God became medicine to my soul. A nightly habit formed. I would plug myself in at night and listen to God's words and I would fall asleep. This took a long time but I have come to this conclusion:
I was Mommy trying to fix Rick. Up until this point I've always been able to fix the problems he seemed to get himself into. Fix his scraps when he would fall and help him up. With MS, I found that I can't fix that....
I had to let God fix it, in his time.
I do believe God will heal Rick but, in the meantime I will put my faith and my trust in God. That has grown in leaps and bounds over the past year. I know he is here and he hears and sees everything.
I also believe that if I didn't go thru all of this I wouldn't be able to handle my cousin Annie's ALS and her death. Also my Mom diagnosis of leukemia.
Rick did lose his insurance and the world did not come to an end. We found a wonderful organization that pays for all his medicine, we only pay for the shipping.
I still wonder what is in store for my sons. I see so much potential in both of them, but I believe and pray that God will lead them in all their decisions. I pray that the people that cross their paths will be a positive in their life. That they will have the courage to share their faith and grow in the Lord's love. Also that the continue to grow in their faith.

God is Good. God is Great. God never, ever changes. God is always with me. God loves me and all his children.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Kelly Sutton

As most of you know I'm a Nascar fan.
Until last year I only watched the cup races and a few Busch but, I started watching the Craftsman Truck races because one of the racers has MS. Better yet she, Kelly Sutton's main sponser is Copaxone. Copaxone is one of the medication that regulates MS and it is the drug that Kelly takes. This also happens to be the same medication that Rick takes.
So I was so excited to see someone who not only had MS, was a female, but also had a MS sponser. I was disappointed when Kelly was in an accident and that took her out of racing for the rest of the season last year and into this year. I even wrote to her concerned that she was alright and explained about Rick, and she wrote me back. So I'm a fan.
Last night I was channel surfing, not a whole lot to watch on Friday night. I haven't been watching the truck races because Kelly hasn't been racing. So I went back to the truck race, for some kind of noise to have on, it was half-way over and I idley watch the standings in the race and I saw Kelly's name!
I tried in vain to find her truck. When you don't run in the top 10 they don't focus a whole lot on the other trucks. One of the things that stinks....
I did find out this morning that Kelly has a 4 race deal and is racing the #51, and I've missed 2 out of the 4 races she was in!
So on Monday I'll be watching the re-play of the race. Hopefully I'll be able to see her!
I'm so happy she's back even for a short time this year.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I am so excited!!

Ok I'm so excited and repeating myself. :-)
I've always been interested in helping children, one of the reasons I'm a TA (teacher's assistant). But I've always felt saddened for the children that fall in that grey area, that can't receive services but really need help.
I attended last week a training on intervention for all children. It was the basics but I really enjoyed it! So I wrote my principal about this. Our school is trying to implement this program and I really want to be a part of that team. Well, he replied and was excited about my interest and that I could be a part of the team and if I wanted could go to any trainings that I wanted, if we get the grant for this program!
For so many years I have always thought administrators and higher ups thought little of my position in the building. That I was worth what ever was on the bottom of their shoes. And I believed that. But recently I have discovered that because I have heard that, over and over, I started to believe it.
But not anymore! I'm an intelligent person, and not a bored, overpaid babysitter that certain school board members have said TA's or paraprofessionals are.
So I'm happy that my principal that I really don't know well, feels that I have self-worth. Mainly because this past year I demonstrated my self-worth and self-confidence. It's nice to be acknowledged.
I'm just going to continue to be me and make myself available for help.

Have a great day!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Very Frustrating

Wasn't I a beautiful baby. :-)
Actually I haven't found a recent picture of myself that I really liked, so I used a baby pic.
Well I've been trying to set up my blog but, my dumb computer keeps exiting out of the window everytime I enter something. So I need to click on my icon and get back to my home page then, go to the website, sign back in and keep on going. I'll need to look and see what I changed recently so it doesn't suddenly get rid of what I'm working on.
Other than that I'm having fun. I have other blogs but this one is fairly easy to use, might get rid of the other 2.
I had a really nice day. Went to talk with our awesome pastor and left feeling very good and hopeful. I'm concerned about my family and the stress we seem to be under. Knowing God will keep us strong and continue to guide our way is always relief.
Have a good one.