Checking In

I have realized that I haven't posted on my blogger for quite awhile.  Summer has been here and gone and now we are going thru fall and heading into winter.  I know that things will speed up quite a bit and before we know it we'll be celebrating New Year's. 

I have been advocating for people to pray for Sydney Ives.  She has had an incurable, inoperable brain tumor for the past year and half and she is living in her last hours.  She has had a very strong faith and has been a bright light in this very dark world.  I can't imagine the pain that her family is going thru as of this moment.  To lose a family member  is hard enough but a child....the pain would be incredible.  So please pray for this family and the wonderful little girl.   
My life has been easier although my breathing isn't what it should be.  I have a resilient infection that has taken several antibiotics to knock it out.  I'm on a several inhalers, including one that I take with a nebulizer.  My steriod has been upped back to 20 mg.  Which I know isn't bad but I would prefer not to be on any.  
I depend on God for my everything.  Since being diagnosed with an incurable cancer I have to depend on God because who else is there.  
I'm back at work but even that isn't without it's problems.  I started with full time but realized if I was going to get better I needed to go part time.  The only problem with that is I have to use a half day sick day to make up the rest of the day.  This is according to the Family and Medical Leave Act that I'm on.  I'm praying that I'll get better or a part time position comes open so I don't lose all my sick days.  But I love my job.  
I do wish at times I was closer that I worked in a library, that I breathed normally, the list goes on and on.  But I'm not where I used to be but I'm not where I want to be.  :-)  
I do post on another site regularly.... www.caringbridge.org/visit/dawnarie4
God's Peace,  Dawn

Moving

Last night Rick finally got moved completely out of the house in Rochelle. Not without quite a bit of drama. Barb, Rick's ex-girlfriend refused to let Buddy or Christie, Rick's new girlfriend, help him move, by coming into the house. Rick would carry things to the door and Buddy and Christie would carry them the rest of the way out. I don't know what she said or did but it got to the point where Rick wanted to hit her. Now we taught both boys never hit a girl and Rick didn't hit Barb but it must pretty bad.
Buddy did go into the house and he did help Rick move the heavier things regardless of what Barb said or wanted. Buddy never said anything negative to her just smiled at her.
But all this causes me to wonder...Barb has absolutely no idea that she is playing into the devil's hands. He's there laughing at her!
That makes me very sad. That she doesn't know the loving God that is waiting there for her.
But the good thing is that Rick is out of that situation. He no longer has to deal with the stress that Barb causes. Stress that can be very harmful to him. That I'm very grateful for.

Graduation Day (my last radiation treatment0

Well today was my last treatment. I must say that I glad that this stage of my life is over. I'm looking forward to a breather, to get healthy and get to know God more. In six weeks we'll know for certain if the cancer is gone. That is when I go in for my CT Scan and blood work. I'm breathing a lot better and feel a lot better. So know matter what this was a good thing. The people on the Welcome picture are Carla radiation tech, me, Amy a radiation tech and Dr. Bhati my radiation oncologist. These were wonderful people and I will truly miss seeing them everyday. Unfortunately the graduation certificate that I recieved was too big to post. :-( I'm so lucky. They told me that I didn't have the strong side affects they thought I would have. I really believe that is do to all the prays that have been said on my behalf. Thank you to all of you. I'm keeping up my caring bridge in hopes that I raise hopes in someone else. In everything keep a positive attitude. God's Peace, Dawn
I find you waiting by Decemberadio http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4nRamM8Rms&feature=channel_page

Treatments last week

I have realized that I haven't been keeping up with my blog. I guess at times I just didn't have the energy needed to keep up with 2. My other website http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dawnarie4 I posted more often 2 or 3 times a week.
Well, this experience has taught me a lot about myself and my walk with God. I always thought that my faith was strong but I have realized that I really needed to stay in God's word. There were times of depression were I started wondering "what if, I don't want to die and etc." Very negative and could have been destructive. But I found a peace when I opened my Bible and read the words that God wanted me to see.
Now it's my last week. Today is my last day of chemo and radiation, then I'll have 3 more radiation days. I'm still uncertain on how I feel about all of this. I'm elated that I'm almost done. I won't have to be "zapped" anymore. But my type of cancer is how can I put it, annoying. It can come back. In fact it has a history of returning. But last month I prayed for God to heal me and I felt a warmth from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I believe God healed me. I have always said this will be all for God's Glory.
I want everyone to know God's love. God loves all of us. He can't help but love us. All the evil in this world is not from him. I wish all people knew this.
So instead of wondering the "what if's" I'm praising God. He got me thru cancer treatments!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU&feature=channel_page
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMCR4p5mSjQ&feature=channel_page
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GPpx9oINsI&feature=channel_page

First Treatment

Today I go for my first treatment. I can say that I'm feeling ok.
Yesterday when we got back home I started focusing on something I saw in one of my reports. It was a negative thing and it started to upset me,made me doubt and it was taking away my peace.
I prayed, 'God I know your with me but, I really need some help here.'
That's when I got out my Bible's and my book, Battlefield of the Mind and started reading.
I re-read and looked up verses I had highlighted and highlighted them in my Bibles. The reason I say Bible's is I have a few in different translations but this time I used my NIV and my New King James Version that is amplified.
As I kept reading the verses I started feeling better and the doubt and fear went away.
Today I have my CD's going so I am hearing positive words.
I know things will work out because God is here and he has a plan. I am just along for the ride.
God's peace,
Dawn
For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin, no matter how it come or where it leads) has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and he [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.
1 Corinthians 10:13

Follow up appointment

Today we had a follow up appointment with Dr. Warren at Rush University Hospital. My Mom and Dad went with us with Daddy driving.
We left extra early to factor in traffic because we would be in the middle of rush hour. Well, needless to say, there really wasn't any traffic. We got to Rush in a hour 15 minutes so we were there in plenty of time for my 9 o'clock appointment.
We had a lot of good news from Dr. Warren. He told us that the tumor wasn't all the big. The reason for not putting in a stint was because it wasn't necessary. He took off the tumor and widened the trachea. He said he may need to do that again or he may not.
So my question that I have in my mind is: Was the tumor always not very big or was it bigger and something happened to make it shrink, like God?
I want to think that God shrunk it. It was my prayer and many others.
Radiation on the inside would be something he would perform. He said it would be very simple to take down the shoot and zap the tumor from the inside.
But the other members of the team want to start from the outside.
Also about my voice. He told me that there is a very non-evasive procedure that an ENT can do that wouldn't take surgery to do. They would move my vocal cord more in the center. From the outside with a needle. We would try to do this if my voice was strained all the time.
These 2 procedures may be in the future.
On Monday I'll get blocked/ tattooed and Dr. Bhate will tell us the plan for the treatments.
Probably on Tuesday I'll start both Chemo and Radiation. Chemo will be once a week and Radiation will be 5 days a week.
So this was a great day, we got great news and didn't drive in rush hour traffic.
So we are ending this year with Good feelings and starting next year with those same Good feelings.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' Psalm 91: 1,2

Santa and Sarah

Santa and Sarah

Three years ago, a little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at the Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin. The child climbed up on his lap, holding a picture of a little girl.

"Who is this?" asked Santa, smiling. "Your friend? Your sister?'"

"Yes, Santa,' he replied. "My sister, Sarah, who is very sick," he said sadly.

Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue."She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!" the child exclaimed. "She misses you," he added softly.

Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy's face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas.

When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.

"What is it?" Santa asked warmly.

"Well, I know it's really too much to ask you, Santa, but.." the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa's elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors.

"The girl in the photograph... my granddaughter well, you see ... she has leukemia and isn't expected to make it even through the holidays," she said through tear-filled eyes. "Is there any way, Santa, any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That's all she's asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa."

Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do. Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon. He knew what he had to do. "What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying," he thought with a sinking heart, "This is the least I can do."

When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to Children's Hospital.

"Why?" Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.

Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah's grandmother earlier that day.

"C'mon.....I'll take you there." Rick said softly. Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa..

They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said he would wait out in the hall.

Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah on the bed.

The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the Grandmother and the girl's brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah's mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah's thin hair off her forehead. And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah's aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with a weary, sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah.

Taking a deep breath, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, "Ho, ho, ho!"

"Santa!" shrieked little Sarah weakly, as she tried to escape her bed to run to him, IV tubes intact.

Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug. A child the tender age of his own son -- 9 years old -- gazed up at him with wonder and excitement. Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But all he saw when he looked at her was a pair of huge, blue eyes. His heart melted, and he had to force himself to choke back tears. Though his eyes were riveted upon Sarah's face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the women in the room.

As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa's shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering "Thank you" as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes. Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she'd been a very good girl that year.

As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl's mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah's bed, holding hands. Santa looked intensely at Sarah and asked her if she believed in angels.

"Oh, yes, Santa... I do!" she exclaimed.

"Well, I'm going to ask that angels watch over you." he said. Laying one hand on the child's head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing, softly, "Silent Night, Holy Night.... all is calm, all is bright..."

"The family joined in, still holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all.

When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah's frail, small hands in his own. "Now, Sarah," he said authoritatively, "you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at Mayfair Mall this time next year!"

He knew it was risky proclaiming that to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he "had" to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could -- not dolls or games or toys -- but the gift of HOPE.

"Yes, Santa!" Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room.

Out in the hall, the minute Santa's eyes met Rick's, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed.

Sarah's mother and grandmother slipped out of the room quickly and rushed to Santa's side to thank him.

"My only child is the same age as Sarah," he explained quietly. "This is the least I could do." They nodded with understanding and hugged him.

One year later, Santa Mark was again back on the set in Milwaukee for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap.

"Hi, Santa! Remember me?!"

"Of course, I do," Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her. After all, the secret to being a "good" Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the "only" child in the world at that moment.

"You came to see me in the hospital last year!"

Santa's jaw dropped. Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and he grabbed this little miracle and held her to his chest. "Sarah!" he exclaimed. He scarcely recognized her, for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were rosy -- much different from the little girl he had visited just a year before. He looked over and saw Sarah's mother and grandmother in the sidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes.

That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus.

He had witnessed --and been blessed to be instrumental in bringing about -- this miracle of hope.. This precious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive and well. He silently looked up to Heaven and humbly whispered, "Thank you, Father. 'Tis a very, Merry Christmas!"

If you believe in miracles you will pass this on...I did!