Bobbie Scare

Today we had a "Bobbie Scare." It started off typically except we had Evan stay overnight with us. Bob went outside did his thing and came in slurped some water and went into the kitchen. When he came out he had his mouth open trying to breathe. He also had all this phlegm. We wiped his face, thumped on his chest, back and called the vet. Couldn't see him until 2:15. Thought we were going to lose him. Buddy with Evan to load engines to the engine show. I stayed back with Bob. He eventually calmed down, started breathing better. By the time Buddy came back to go with me to Bob's appointment, Bobbie was breathing ok and sleeping.

The vet said Bobbie did a reverse sneeze which would explain the gagging and phlegm.

Bobbie has an upper respiratory infection and a heart murmur. Buddy said he told us about the heart murmur last time. I didn't remember that. So, $130 later we had antibiotics, thyroid medicine and shampoo. Bobbie's doing better, sleeping and still snorting around. But acting somewhat normal. Poor Dog.

Some that was my day today. Fun, fun...but at least we still have Bobbie. :-)

Bobbie

Memories

You know I have fond memories of many of my relatives. You see, I was the first born grand baby of both of my families. My mom and Daddy were the oldest or next to oldest in moms case of there families. All my aunts and uncles were still in school when I was born. My parents got homesick and went home for the weekends every weekend. So I got loved alot when I was little. I also got to see my great aunts and uncles too and got close to most of family members. My grandmother loved company, and loved to cook. She became special person to everyone that she met. So dinners with her involved extended families most times. It was a very loving atmosphere to grow up in.

Now those dear people are few and far between. There is not many of them left. Grandma died 7 years ago. Followed by my Grandfather on my Dad's side the following July. Then recently my cousin and childhood friend Annie died about a year ago. She was a year younger than me. Soon I'll have to say goodbye to another. But they will always remain in my memories and in my heart.

Decision

Well, this morning I came to an important decision about the boys and what I should do.

I'm basically not doing anything but praying for them and that God will heal their relationship and it will be better than before.

I have realized that holding on to my anger with Barbara was doing me absolutely no good. In fact it was probably hurting me more than anything. I realized that if I held on to my anger the next time I would see them it would probably come bubbling out. And that would ruin any kind of relationship I would have with her and possible ruin my relationship with Rick. I need to set an example. I know she hasn't been raised having Christ centered beliefs. Rick has but Rick has also dabbled into occult religions also.

So that being said I'm also praying that Barbara sees the good people and overlooks the small things that irk us. That she will have some sympathy for others, not to fly quickly to anger, and have a compromising spirit. Also I'm praying that someone comes into their lives that will lead them back to church.

Also, for Alan to have this forgiving spirit towards Barb.

I know that I probably know too much... but

I still don't like what happened and I didn't want to forgive Barb for what she said and did to Alan but...I did because it would make God happy.

I do feel much better. I know that I can hold a decent conversation with Rick or Barbara and they not know how I felt.

Rick may know how I felt, I really believe that was what made me sick.

But this is all in the past now and I hope it doesn't rear it's ugly head again.

Children problems

Ihave never before been so torn...

Rick moved out, and left Alan with 2 months rent to pay on his own. All because his girlfriend couldn't live with Alan.

I told Rick it was a mistake to move Barb in with them to live together, that it would have consequences.

Rick has told Alan this past week that he would pay for part of Aprils rent. But I have no idea how he will do it. I want to scream at Barb. Tell her how dare she come between 2 brothers that were so close. How dare she call my son a Pig! You might as well call me and several other people who that I love pigs. I don't keep the cleanest house. I don't have time to clean.

How could Rick do this to his brother? How could he?

The only thing that I know to do is pray and stay away from Rick and Barb because I'm afraid of what I'll say.

All I know is that God has a plan, we just don't know it yet. I know what is meant for evil God can turn into Good. But the thing that pains me the most is the innocent person in all this is Makayla, the precious 1 year old baby. It all makes me want to cry.

Torn between 2 sons

Have you ever heard that song "Torn between 2 lovers?" Well, I kind of feel that way. I told my Mom that she was lucky to have an only child. That she didn't have to deal with squabbles between 2 children. Now I'm use to Alan and Rick fighting but, this one is by far the worst. Alan calls Rick, hen pecked, that's not exactly what he calls him but it means the same. Barb, Rick's girlfriend in opinion will tell Rick to jump and Rick will ask how hi.
Rick has taken care of Barb and her daughter Makayla. He buys all their food, Makayla's diapers and rent on 2 rooms. He has now taken out a loan for $3000 for a credit card bill that Barb had outstanding. Her Mom was going to do it but also had 2 mortgages out and felt she couldn't do it. But my son could? I'm proud of Rick for being responsible, but the loan I don't understand. He couldn't have traded in his truck and gotten a loan for a better, newer car. Now, that is on hold at least for 2 years. I'm concerned for the stress that he is under and stress and MS do not get along.
Rick calls Alan a pig. Alan has never picked up after himself very well, he is disorganized, Rick knows all this it has never changed. But now suddenly he's a pig.
Alan has always been Rick's biggest supporter and visa versa. So the thing that has changed is Barb. The things Rick has been saying are coming straight out of Barb's mouth.
So what is a Mother to do.....tell them to mend their fences.

Multiple Sclerosis

This will be my third year walking for the National MS Society. It will also be over 3 years that Rick has been diagnosed with MS.
My Mom gave me a copy of this story and although he doesn't have to go thru the challenges this woman faces everyday, there is a chance that sometime in his future he could. This story makes really see inside the life of a person with MS.

The Spoons Story
But You Don't Look Sick...
My best friend and I were in the diner talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French Fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spend a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time.
We never got serious about anything in particular and spend most of our time laughing.
As I went to take some of my vitamins with a snack as I usually did, she watched me this time with a kind of start, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have MS and be sick.
I was shocked, not only because she asked the random question but also, I assumed she knew all there was to know about MS. She had come to the doctors with me, seen me getting MRI's, she saw me stumble on sidewalks and have to sit down at a concert.
She carried me out when I couldn't walk another step, what else was there to know?
I started to ramble on about the vitamins and the changes but she didn't seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of MS.
Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no healthy person can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to me…having MS.
As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least a stall. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself?
How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a person with MS goes through every day with clarity? I could have given up and cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don't try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand?
If I can't explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.
At that moment, the "spoon theory" was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked her in the eyes and said, " Here you go, you have MS." She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons.
The cold metal spoons clanked together as I shoved them into her hands. I explained that the difference between having MS and being healthy is having to make choices, or to think consciously about things when the rest of the world doesn't have to.
The healthy have the luxury of choice, a gift most people take for granted. Most people start the day with an unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people.
For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to take away, since most people who get MS feel the "loss" of a life they once knew.
If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case MS, in control.
She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn't understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time. Little did she know how serious the game would become?I asked her to count the spoons.
She asked why, and I explained that the spoons represented units of energy and when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of "spoons." But when you have MS and you have to plan your day, you need to know exactly how many "spoons" you are starting with.
It doesn't guarantee you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn't even started the game yet. I've wanted more "spoons" for years and haven't found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has MS.
I asked her to list off her day, including the most simple tasks. As she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said, "no, you don't just get up.
You have to crack your eyes open and then realize you are late. You didn't sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and you have to make yourself something to eat before you do anything else because you have to take your vitamins and have energy for the day and if not you might as well give up on spoons for the whole day!"
I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn't even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her another spoon, just washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching too high or low, or having the shower water too hot and choosing to blow dry her hair would have cost more than one spoon but I didn't want to scare her too much in the beginning.
Getting dressed is worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every detail needs to be thought about. You have to see what clothes you can physically put on, what shoes are going to be appropriate for the days walking requirements, if pain or spacticity is a problem, buttons are out. If I have bruising from my medication, long sleeves might be in order.
You cannot simply throw clothes on when you have MS…its just not that easy.I think she started to understand when she theoretically didn't even get to work yet and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your "spoons" are gone, they are gone.
Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow's "spoons" but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less "spoons". I also needed to explain that a person who has MS lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a fever comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could prove disabling.
So you do not want to run low on "spoons", because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn't want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of the real day for me.
We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing on her computer for too long. She was forced to make choices and to think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.
When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had two spoons left. If she cooked, she wouldn't have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out to dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely without having blurred vision or forgetting to turn her lights on.
So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores but you can't do it all. I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn't want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think maybe finally someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly, "Christine, how do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?" I answered that some days were worse than others , some days I have more spoons than most.
But I can never make it go away and I can't ever for a minute forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding on reserve. I said simply, "I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve, you need to always be prepared."
It's hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not to do everything. I fight this very day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel the frustration. I wanted her to understand that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one.
I need to think about the weather and my own body before I can attack any one thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between having a chronic illness and being healthy.
It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count my "spoons."
After we were emotional and talked about this for a while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can't go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug and we walked out of the diner.
I had one spoon in my hand and I said, "Don't worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste every day? I don't have room to waste spoons and I choose to spend this time with you."
Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do.
Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they look at their own life a little differently. I think it isn't just good for understanding MS, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don't take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the words, every time I do anything.
It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my "spoons...

If this story touched you please consider getting involved in someway. Just go to my website and following the links that interest you.
http://www.msillinois.org/site/TR/Events/MSWalk2008?px=1370814&pg=personal&fr_id=1190