Monday, April 14, 2008


Well, this morning I came to an important decision about the boys and what I should do.

I'm basically not doing anything but praying for them and that God will heal their relationship and it will be better than before.

I have realized that holding on to my anger with Barbara was doing me absolutely no good. In fact it was probably hurting me more than anything. I realized that if I held on to my anger the next time I would see them it would probably come bubbling out. And that would ruin any kind of relationship I would have with her and possible ruin my relationship with Rick. I need to set an example. I know she hasn't been raised having Christ centered beliefs. Rick has but Rick has also dabbled into occult religions also.

So that being said I'm also praying that Barbara sees the good people and overlooks the small things that irk us. That she will have some sympathy for others, not to fly quickly to anger, and have a compromising spirit. Also I'm praying that someone comes into their lives that will lead them back to church.

Also, for Alan to have this forgiving spirit towards Barb.

I know that I probably know too much... but

I still don't like what happened and I didn't want to forgive Barb for what she said and did to Alan but...I did because it would make God happy.

I do feel much better. I know that I can hold a decent conversation with Rick or Barbara and they not know how I felt.

Rick may know how I felt, I really believe that was what made me sick.

But this is all in the past now and I hope it doesn't rear it's ugly head again.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Children problems

Ihave never before been so torn...

Rick moved out, and left Alan with 2 months rent to pay on his own. All because his girlfriend couldn't live with Alan.

I told Rick it was a mistake to move Barb in with them to live together, that it would have consequences.

Rick has told Alan this past week that he would pay for part of Aprils rent. But I have no idea how he will do it. I want to scream at Barb. Tell her how dare she come between 2 brothers that were so close. How dare she call my son a Pig! You might as well call me and several other people who that I love pigs. I don't keep the cleanest house. I don't have time to clean.

How could Rick do this to his brother? How could he?

The only thing that I know to do is pray and stay away from Rick and Barb because I'm afraid of what I'll say.

All I know is that God has a plan, we just don't know it yet. I know what is meant for evil God can turn into Good. But the thing that pains me the most is the innocent person in all this is Makayla, the precious 1 year old baby. It all makes me want to cry.