Saturday, November 10, 2007

Endings and Beginnings

This week was full of emotion, happiness, sadness and anger.

Today was the last week at the school I've been at for the last 6 years. I've made many, many friends here and have gone to care about the middle school kids. That did take a bit they do tend to have a certain attitude but I adjusted to it.

The last day the 8th grade team had cake and bagels for me. There was tears and laughter and it all too soon ended.
Then my cooperative teacher had a meeting, one in which she made one of my friends a scapegoat for things she couldn't cope with. Then to top that I was to have a exiting interview with my principal I set a time but that didn't work so he told me he would come up to get me and then we could do it. He blew me off. So I had the interview with the assistant principal. There is a power struggle between the 2. Our assistant principal is new and not the one the our principal preferred.

I had several issues that concerned me, including some books that I think my cooperative teacher has taken. Newly purchased books.

So I left the school feeling angry and happy that I was leaving.

I really feel that God was getting out of the middle of a situation that could really hurt me. I've been in that position and have gotten burned for it.

The next day, Friday was my first day at the grade school. It was an institute day so there were no kids. I think I'm really going to like my new job home. It's much smaller so I don't think it'll take long to get to know the building. I'll be working with a 3rd, 4th, and a kinder. 4th grade is in the mobiles. The staff is friendly and the principal is extremely supportive. I do wish that I could have taken a couple of my friends there but.....maybe in the future.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

A Commentary

My Dad sent this to me, I just felt it needed to be heard by more than my e-mail list. Enjoy.

A lot of truth in this

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. My Best Regards.

Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Too good to be true?

I have always believed in prayer. I believe God hears my prayers and answers them maybe not the way I would like them to be answered but he does answer them.
When Rick was diagnosed with MS, my faith I believe wasn't shaken. I never blamed God but I did go to God for my strength. Thru this I discovered that I wasn't trusting God like I thought and have learned to trust for anything. I still need work, I still need to improve, I still need to believe. My mom told me today that she went to an MS support group meeting recently and found out that by the year 2010 they will have ablitherated MS!
I'm happy but why am I doubting? Where's my faith? I prayed for a cure like so many others. Others for longer than I have, so why am I not believing. I trust God, I believe this great and awesome news!
Maybe because it's not in my timeframe, I thought it would take longer. I've always been told and thought we found out about Rick and MS at a good time.
I do believe in answered prayers.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Dealing with storms

The last 2 posts I made have been things that have touched my life, made a difference in how I thought about living my life. I felt maybe typing them completely out I would help someone else. So that being said I hope I touch someone elses life by what I write next.
I have read, watched, and listened to many different things that have changed me, but all have helped in how I deal with storms in my life. I have realized I didn't really know how to deal with storms. That God was in control and he watches over me constantly. God can be nothing more than love. He just doesn't know how to be anything else.
A situation made a drastic change in my personality when I was a young girl. I was molested by a family friend, when I was 8 yrs old.
I was an outgoing girl who sang for anyone. That outgoing little girl became a shy, inward girl. Books were my best friend which helped that my mom was a librarian. Now I'm not saying I didn't have friends but I know my shyness didn't help me in getting new friends, better friends. The friends that I did have didn't made me feel very smart so anything that I thought I would like to do with my life, I didn't feel I was smart enough to do.
Now that I'm older and have had to deal with storms I know that I am smart. I have a job that I just love. Now, I'm trying to find that outgoing girl who loved to sing in front of people.
Which is why lately I'm facing a fear of getting up in front of people, by myself.
I've always was in chorus and choir. Getting in front of people in a group was ok but getting up in front of people by myself I stayed away from.
I'm hoping that in getting in front of others this way I will be able to sing again.
Like it says in the Bible: I can do all things thru Christ that strengthens me!

Stop asking 2 questions

Stop asking 2 questions by Phil Cooke
I've beome a virtual Jedi-Knight right out of Star Wars when it comes to email. I've learned to receive email on my computer or cell phone through wireless networks, cell phone links, or I can get it off any other computer anywhere in the world. When it comes to email, I'm really never out of touch. And I was very proud of myself until the thought occurred to me that when I get to heaven, Jesus isn't going to pat me on the back and say, "Hey Phil, great job on the email." I rather think He's going to ask me whether or not I accomplished my calling and assignment during my lifetime.
That's when I started thinking abou the difference between what we think is urgent and what really matters. Our lives are filled with things other people think are urgent--things like phone calls, voice mail, email, faxes, overnight deliveries--all kinds of appointments, activities, schedules, work, and more.
But how often do we stop to think about what really matters in our lives?
When it comes to being "slaves of the urgent," there are 2 questions we ask ourselves way too often:
1) How much will it cost?
2) When will it be ready?
We've let our lives be controlled by money and schedules, and we've forgotten about dreams and visions.
I sat on an airplane not long ago next to a woman who looked like she was about 40 yrs. old. When she discovered I worked in the TV industry she got really excited and told me the following story:
"When I was in high school, I was the best actor in our drama department. I starred in all our school plays and really loved it, so I naturally decided acting was what I wanted to study in college. My parents were very supportive, so they drove me to a number of universities so we could take a look at their drama departments. It was all very exciting. But after a few visits, I realized that most actors study drama in college for 4 years, then go on the graduate school, and most continue taking classes thoughtout their lives. And when I added it up, it seemed like that would take a really long time and cost a lot of money. Between the expense, and the length of time it would take, I finally decided it was just too much, so I stopped acting."
She wiped a small tear from her eye and said, "That was almost 20 yrs. ago, Today, I'm a credit manager at a used car lot in California, and every single day I wake up and realize that decision to stop acting was the worst decison of my life. I gave up on my dream because I thought it would take too long and be too expensive. Today, I would pay any amount of money or wait as long as it took if I could only make that decision over again. But now it's too late, and I'll never achieve my dream."
She turned, a little embarrassed, and looked out the window realizing that she had considered the cost and how long it would take, she had made a short-term decision. Unfortunately, it left her without long-term satisfaction.
Someone once asked me, "Is what you're living for worth Jesus dying for?"
If it's not, have you considered that it may not be too late for your to start moving toward the dream that God put in your heart? You might think, like the woman on the plane, that you've missed your opportunity. But perhaps there's still time in your life to change course. You may want to think again, and ask God to help restore, in you, His dreams and visions for your.

Monday, October 8, 2007

A meek and quiet spirit

This past week in my devotional has been devoted to being a good wife. Now I've been married quite a few years and thought I was doing good. But like everything in my life I know I can always learn more. That is what I did.
The last day of this devotion was about "What is a meek and quiet spirit" and the author wrote about a meeting he was a part of in Kiev. After the morning meeting a large table was set outside on the driveway where all the special guests were seated so they could be served Ukrainian borsch for lunch.
He noticed that an elderly woman, about 75 yrs. old, was the primary person serving lunch to them that day. As she passed by him, he looked into her face and saw the deep wrinkles that testified to a very hard life. This was a woman who had faced many intense challenges in the course of her life.
Yet when he looked into her eyes, he could see that this was a woman who was very strong in spirit. Although it was evident that she had lived a hard and difficult life, it was also evident that she had never been broken by hardship. The look in her faded blue eyes gripped him, for those eyes seemed to literally radiate life from within her.
He watched with amazement at the way this elderly woman carried bowls of borsch to this person, then to that person, and then to the next. It was obvious that she was delighted to serve the pastors who sat around the table. The tender smile that graced her face and the sweet spirit with which she served captivated my attnetion. As he kept watching her, he thought to himself, This woman must be one of the most beautiful and grace ful women he'd ever met in his life.
Finally, he turned to the elderly pastor sitting next to me, and asked, "Who is that woman?"
He looked at him with a sparkle in his eye and glowingly said, "That's my wife."
During the Soviet years, this pastor had been arrested and sentenced to 15 years of prison because of his faith. While he was in prison, his wife had been completely responsible for rearing and providing for their 15 children. As he told him their story, he began to understand why she had such deep wrinkles--a sign of the many hardships she had faced while her husband had been in prison.
Despite her wrinkles and gray hair, this woman's indomitable spirit shone through and was evident for all to see. This was a woman who had lived a godly life. This was no weak woman, but a very strong and very capable woman.
He continued to watch the pastor's wife aas she kept serving the men around the table, smiling graciously as she refilled empty bowls with more borsch. As he oberved her stong but gentle spirit, He thought of Peter's words to woment in 1st Peter 3:3, 4. Whose adorning let it not be the outword adoring of plaiting of the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on the apparel; but let it be tht hidden man ofthe heart, in the which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
He goes on the say later that meek woman is not weak, timid or soft-spoken. The work "meek" is the Greek word praus, a word that describes the attitude of one who is friendly, warm, forbearing, patient, kind and gentle. Although a meek person faces opportunities to react in anger or to get upset, he aor she has chosen to be controlled, forgiving, and gentle. So, "meek" people are individuals who have become skilled at controlling themselves and their temperament. You might say that meekness is power under control.
God highly values a woman who becomes this kind of strong, steady force in the home.
This is the type of person I want to be one that keeps from outbursts of anger, is not offended by comments made by uncaring people. Keeping my temper and remaining calm when storms come.
I may not be able to do this all the time, but I'm sure going to try.

exerpt taken from Sparkling Gems by Rick Renner pp 753,754.

Saturday, October 6, 2007


Ok I may not of spelled this right but in all truth this post will be that. A very emotional topic has been brought up especially when it concerns healthcare.
It's my belief that government should not fund it. Yes, I know there are many good federal insurance helps out there. But I feel the private sector should be the ones funding it. Especially those in entertainment. I really wish the church was in the position to do this because in my heart I feel the church needs to be involved. But I don't think that will happen. I'm scared of "big" government. I'm scared of this next election some of the people that are running are for a more socialistic government. I feel God is moving away from our great country because so much of today's politics is so un-God like. Nothing that our forefathers wanted. I'm not for a war, especially one we can't win. We can't win this one because our congress won't fund this so we could have won it and never did.
Ok enough on that......
This week is a happy week. My cousin Maki is a new Mommy and I pray for their she her husband Ray and little Joshua's safe return. I also got a card from her sister Jamie with her little babies pictures, Presley Kiyoko. This week was unusual because I wasn't in my normal classroom 2 out of the 5 days because I got pulled to cover another student. Which was fun.
This next week I'll only have 3 days of work. I have a dr. appt. because my hand has been giving me fits for awhile but now it's hard to type, write or anything else with my right hand without it hurting. I'm concerned because of the underlining issues with family. Mom with Raynaud's, Rick with both carpal tunnel and MS. So I'm hoping its old fashioned arthritus. We'll see on tues.
Mom and Dad will be leaving tomorrow to find out more about her Sarcoid condition and will be in MN for 3-6 days. At least they will have pretty countryside to drive thru.
must close can't really type more.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Jesus on the beach

A friend of mine sent this to me in an e-mail but the pictures didn't come up. I was so disappointed. So I googled it and found them! The are so good I needed to share them.
Here's the link to the site.

Sunday, September 2, 2007


Ok, it's way too early in the year to start this. But it's happening anyway and unfortunately I'm in the middle of it. But desparately trying to stay out of it.
The teacher I work with shares students with another resource teacher in the 8th grade. She, the teacher I work with, has been known to have an abrasive attitude and can talk down to other adults. I've witnessed this behavior already this year.
Well, there was a language arts test that was adapted by the other teacher, a teacher by the way has been in the district for many years. It wasn't adapted quite the way my teacher wanted it, so she adapted it and said this would be the test to go with.
There was a blow up that next morning and it was decided by the principal to go with the other teachers test.
So what does my teacher do but tell the kids in our direct instruction class that if they don't do well that they can do her test and see if they do better! *sigh*

Like I said it's way too early for this. We've only had 1 full week of school. Every morning I've been praying that God keeps me out of the middle and out of harms way. I also pray for my teacher to talk in a respectful manner and to keep me out of a situation where there is a confrontation. I hate confrontations! I really want to do well this year and have been given a good opportunity to learn something new. So I'm depending on God to keep me safe.

The 8th grade team is a great group of teachers that I really like. Unfortunately the teacher that I work with has not developed a good relationship with them so.. Thats why I'm really dependent on God to see me thru this and I know he has a good plan. My prayer is that everyone just get along for the kids sake. So it could be a fun year.
God's peace is much needed this year. :-)

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I was made to love

Yesterday I had forgotten that I was made to love.
There is a situation in our building were there are 2 assistants, sisters who are my friends. They were placed in the MH (multihandicapped) room. It ended up where only one could be there and there really isn't a position for the other one.
The sister that place in the MH room is very upset, crying etc. And the other one is still here doing not a whole lot and getting paid for it.
This appalled me and I was mad, resentful and bitter!
1st I came from the MH room and those are the most loving children you could ever work with. and 2 I know of positions open in the district where a child could benefit from these 2 wonderful sisters but they don't want change, they don't want to leave, they want their own way!
Yea I mad and I was yelling at God because I felt this way and I didn't want to. And he told me, yes I believe God talks to me, "Dawn, I'm in control. "
Well, I was taken aback, because that has been my matra since Rick was diagnosed with MS. God is in Control. I asked God for forgiveness. All that bitterness and resentment went away. Of course, this morning when I read my daily devotional it was about offense and to let go of bitterness. :-)
And I thought ok God it's done whatever happens You are in Control. And I'm going to love them because I was made to love. The bitterness and resentment is truly gone.
I love the lyrics to this song, Made to love by TobyMac.

TobyMac° Made To Love °
The dream is fading now I’m staring at the door
I know it’s over ‘cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain’t feeling what I see
Its no mystery
Whatever happened to a passion I could live for?
What became of the flame that made me feel more?
And when did I forget …
That I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You
Made to adore You
I was made to love and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said You’d keep me never would You leave me
I was made to love And be loved by You
The dream’s alive with my eyes open wide
Back in the ring
You got me swingin’ for the grand prize
I feel the haters spittin’ vapors on my dreams
But I still believe …
I’m reaching out, reachin’ up, reachin’ over
I feel a breeze cover me called Jehovah
And Daddy I’m on my way …
Anything, I would give up for You
Everything, I’d give it all away

Friday, August 24, 2007

The Storm

Well today was the first full day of school and it started out with a bang or maybe I should say a BOOM!
I can mark off on things that I have experienced going thru in my lifetime, a tornado lock down at school. We got the notice that a severe thunderstorm was headed right our way just before we dismissed the kids. So it decided to keep them until the storm past. Then the severe thunderstorm warning turned into a Tornado warning. There was a flash and a big kaboom and the lights went out. 8th grade kids screamed, and then our emergency lights came on. Not room lights but lights in halls. Boy, what fun!
The kids were good. I was in the classroom with 5 kids and my teacher, Julie. On the other side of the door was 8th grade science. I think that is the quietest I've heard those kids in 3 years.
The buses were here already and we also have a bus that drops off kids from St. Mary's. So they came into the building to safety.
We held the kids for about 45 minutes, then dismissed them. They had to run thru the ran and lightening.
Oh did I mention that I'm scared of thunderstorms and especially tornadoes.
Fun ending to the day.
We are all safe and sound. Alan was home and Rick was at work.
Julie's son was dismissed from school, why? I don't know. She lives in Geneva and she was afraid that if the power went out her son would have no way to get into the house because he enters thru the garage door. But she did get in touch with him, he had told her that it was a BIG storm and that he was scared. She told him, that he could get something to eat and the 2 dogs, they have 1 german shepard and a lab/german shepard mix, and go down to the basement where he was safe. But that had to be very hard for her.

But all were fine no one was hurt.
Since there is so much rain/water that we didn't have school today. Funny using a snowday for rain. But I'm relieved that I didn't need to go anywhere.
We are soggy but pretty dry considering. A little bit of water in the basement but it's ok.

Just looking forward to the day off.

Thursday, August 16, 2007


Last Tuesday the 14th, there was terrible accident claiming the life of kindergarten teacher Marion Beguin. She was a teacher at Wright Elementary in the school district where I work and know many teachers that she worked with. She and her daughter, Kathryn, were on their way home from setting up her classroom, her daughter was driving. They were crossing an intersection where a semi truck ran the red light and hit the passenger side of the car.
This has affected me a lot. I didn't know Marion I do know Tracy Paszotta the other teacher that taught kindergarten at Wright. This will have a profound effect on that staff but also the staff at Jefferson Elementary where she also taught.
My prayer goes out to her family, friends and especially her daughter, for strength, peace, forgiveness and love.

"Cry Out To Jesus" Third Day
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus,
Cry out to Jesus

Friday, August 10, 2007


Well we have been on vacation this week. Thought I would update my blog while I got the chance. Vacation for the past several years has been spent at my parents home. We bring our popup and camp beside their house. Mom and Daddy live in a wooded community in the country. It's really pretty. We go here because we can afford it and we like spending time with my parents. We see all kinds of wildlife including wild turkey, squirrel, chipmunks and of course deer. They have 3 fawns and their moms, aunts or babysitters with them, when they walk thru my parents lots. A couple of days ago I got a picture of 2 of the fawns. A first for me. I've been trying to get pictures of the deer for awhile, about 5 years or more. We always hate leaving and put it off for as long as we can.
I feel very lucky to have such a good relationship with both of my parents and my inlaws. Not many people can say that. I just feel we need to get along with each other regardless of differences of opinions. Life is too short. I gotten to see people this week, see animals and spend time with people we love.
We went camping when I was growing up. And I got to see many many things. The beautiful mountains in colorado, canada. the grand tetons Mt. Rainier probably Mt St. Helens before it blew its top the first time. Old Faithful and the plains. I haven't been on the east coast and calf. new mexico and nevada. Sometime I will. I've realized this week how much I've missed going camping. Must make that a priority for this fall. Love vacation.

Saturday, July 14, 2007


Ok I would be remiss not to blog on my birthday.
Today was a really nice day although most of my days are nice days. I spent a quiet day turning 47 and really don't feel that age. We went bowling saw Rick got presents watched Buddy fix the tire. We picked up a building screw somewhere came home and had pizza watched TV.
Last night Buddy and I were remembering cartoons and kids shows that involved puppets. Shows like Captain Kangaroo, BJ and Dirty Dragon and the Blob, Garfield Goose and when you mention Garfield Goose you have to say Frazier Thomas and Family Classics. Then you have Ray Raynor and Bozo's Circus. I remember I got to watch Bozo and then go take my nap. Bozo was on at noon then not in the morning when they had it for my kids.
Then we talked about the new Underdog movie coming out. Underdog was one of my favorite cartoons and that brought on a discussion about series cartoons with Bullwinkle and Rocky the Squirrel and so on.
"Oh where, Oh where has my Underdog gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?" Come Sweetpolly he's in a phone booth trying to change from Shoeshine Boy to Underdog.
Oh memories, you've got to love them!

Friday, July 13, 2007


This past week has been very hard. I've been sick for most of the week with some kind of strand of the flu. I didn't realize how much I loved being outside until the other day. It was so nice out and I went outside. I pulled weeds, probably not the best thing for me to do but, you must understand I haven't been able to go outside to do yardwork since...April. My asthma or whatever I've got is keeping me from it. So I pulled weeds and today I paid for it.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I've been reflective of things I haven't done in my life and haven't done this summer. My health isn't what it should be and I hate being inside all the time. But I'm losing weight a little bit at a time and hopefully by winter I'll have it half way gone. It's my goal to get healthy and not spend next summer inside! So Happy Birthday to Me!

Saturday, June 30, 2007


Well, today was the parade. Buddy is always in it. The last few years he has borrowed a tractor and a hay wagon from a friend. This year he put the Witte Log Saw on the hay wagon. It was a challenge and he almost didn't get it on the hay wagon from his trailer. I did ask him if he missed Rick. And he said Yes!!! Rick always helped him load the engines on the trailer and the last several years he's been Rickless. But like I said he did get it on, took him 4 tries and some praying on my part, but he got it on. He got up early this morning and got it decorated.
Evan and my father in law were on the float and Buddy's Uncle Allen was on his International Picker. Evan has decided he loves spending time with Uncle Bud. Last weekend he spent alot of time with Buddy at the engine show. He kept an eye on him for me because I couldn't go. So it was good.
But I'm getting sidetracked.
Buddy did get 2nd place on best 4th of July theme on the float. Buddy's gotten 2-2nd places and a 1st place. But he doesn't do it for the trophies he does it for the fun of being in the parade.
I got to spend some time with my family. I chanced being outside more today, I hope I don't spend my night coughing but if I do it was worth it to be able to spend time with my family. I pray it's just my asthma being abnormal and not something more.
The other thing is I can't believe June is almost gone. There are so many things I want to do this summer, I guess if I run out of summer it will need to be done in the some other time.
This was a good day. God is Good and God never changes.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


Ok I changed the blog title. Murmurs is defined as : to remain, to stay overnight, to stay permanently. I don't want to stay in one place permanently. I won't achieve any of my goals I have. So I changed it. Also the Isrealites murmured alot and look what happened to them! They wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years on a trip that was suppose to take 11 days!! All because they murmured!!! I don't want to murmur, I've circled that mountain one tooo many times. So I'm talking instead.
Ok I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and I loss 5 pounds! I close to getting back to my starting weight! Whoohoo! Starting weight was in January. Actually I want to lose at least 20 pounds before school starts and with that 5 I just may do it. With the help of walking with Leslie Sansone. I'm finally starting to see something. So to put anything in my mouth after walking my duff off, let's just say I'm watching it. :-)
It's been a good day. Hard night spent coughing a lot. I'm not sure if it's my asthma or what. I just wish God could vaacum all the mucus out of my lungs. I'm so tired of coughing. I did make a dr. appt. but the day I made it my doc went on vacation. So I have one for july 19th. sigh. I can't spend much time outside, so that's why I walk inside. It will get better I just pray that God gives me the strength to get thru it.
Not much going on. Buddy's preparing for the parade. That should be fun.
Have a good one.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

A year later

It was a year ago that I finally started the process of getting my life back on track.
When my son was diagnosed with MS I tried to depend on my faith in God, but worry had started to overtake my life and shook that faith. But I really didn't know this until school was out.
I've always said that I come from a line of worriers. My Grandma was a worrier, my Mom is a worrier and I was destined to be one too. But worry was my enemy.
After school let out I had nothing to distract me from focusing on issues that I knew were coming up. Rick's insurance was going to run out and I was scrambling to find someone to insure him. I met with the same response: "Your son has a pre-existing condition and we can't insure him." I came up with the a response too. "You are denying the people who need the insurance the most."
I was always faced with the same response "I'm sorry but that's the companies policy" and "I would say you need to change it!!"
Worry started chipping away at my faith. A faith I thought was strong. I was eating, excessively, not sleeping, not believing there would be a solution. I thought Rick would have to stop taking his medicine and he would start to get worse. I didn't want to see my son become more and more crippled by a fickle disease. I knew the medicine kept him at a remission state. I kept on singing the song "I'll praise you in the storm" by Casting Crowns. I was waiting for God to come in and save the day, to take away Rick's MS, but he didn't. I kept crying to God to help me fix it! But I was met with silence.
I was channel surfing one day, I would surf thru the christian channels so I would hear some kind of positive message when I heard the words, "Worry means you don't trust God!"
Well, that got my attention. The christian speaker was Joyce Meyer and she was teaching on worry. I listened to what she had to say and listened to other teachings. I did order the CD on that teaching and quite a few others that I felt would help me.
When the CD came in the mail I plugged myself in and listened to the message. The words of God became medicine to my soul. A nightly habit formed. I would plug myself in at night and listen to God's words and I would fall asleep. This took a long time but I have come to this conclusion:
I was Mommy trying to fix Rick. Up until this point I've always been able to fix the problems he seemed to get himself into. Fix his scraps when he would fall and help him up. With MS, I found that I can't fix that....
I had to let God fix it, in his time.
I do believe God will heal Rick but, in the meantime I will put my faith and my trust in God. That has grown in leaps and bounds over the past year. I know he is here and he hears and sees everything.
I also believe that if I didn't go thru all of this I wouldn't be able to handle my cousin Annie's ALS and her death. Also my Mom diagnosis of leukemia.
Rick did lose his insurance and the world did not come to an end. We found a wonderful organization that pays for all his medicine, we only pay for the shipping.
I still wonder what is in store for my sons. I see so much potential in both of them, but I believe and pray that God will lead them in all their decisions. I pray that the people that cross their paths will be a positive in their life. That they will have the courage to share their faith and grow in the Lord's love. Also that the continue to grow in their faith.

God is Good. God is Great. God never, ever changes. God is always with me. God loves me and all his children.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Kelly Sutton

As most of you know I'm a Nascar fan.
Until last year I only watched the cup races and a few Busch but, I started watching the Craftsman Truck races because one of the racers has MS. Better yet she, Kelly Sutton's main sponser is Copaxone. Copaxone is one of the medication that regulates MS and it is the drug that Kelly takes. This also happens to be the same medication that Rick takes.
So I was so excited to see someone who not only had MS, was a female, but also had a MS sponser. I was disappointed when Kelly was in an accident and that took her out of racing for the rest of the season last year and into this year. I even wrote to her concerned that she was alright and explained about Rick, and she wrote me back. So I'm a fan.
Last night I was channel surfing, not a whole lot to watch on Friday night. I haven't been watching the truck races because Kelly hasn't been racing. So I went back to the truck race, for some kind of noise to have on, it was half-way over and I idley watch the standings in the race and I saw Kelly's name!
I tried in vain to find her truck. When you don't run in the top 10 they don't focus a whole lot on the other trucks. One of the things that stinks....
I did find out this morning that Kelly has a 4 race deal and is racing the #51, and I've missed 2 out of the 4 races she was in!
So on Monday I'll be watching the re-play of the race. Hopefully I'll be able to see her!
I'm so happy she's back even for a short time this year.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I am so excited!!

Ok I'm so excited and repeating myself. :-)
I've always been interested in helping children, one of the reasons I'm a TA (teacher's assistant). But I've always felt saddened for the children that fall in that grey area, that can't receive services but really need help.
I attended last week a training on intervention for all children. It was the basics but I really enjoyed it! So I wrote my principal about this. Our school is trying to implement this program and I really want to be a part of that team. Well, he replied and was excited about my interest and that I could be a part of the team and if I wanted could go to any trainings that I wanted, if we get the grant for this program!
For so many years I have always thought administrators and higher ups thought little of my position in the building. That I was worth what ever was on the bottom of their shoes. And I believed that. But recently I have discovered that because I have heard that, over and over, I started to believe it.
But not anymore! I'm an intelligent person, and not a bored, overpaid babysitter that certain school board members have said TA's or paraprofessionals are.
So I'm happy that my principal that I really don't know well, feels that I have self-worth. Mainly because this past year I demonstrated my self-worth and self-confidence. It's nice to be acknowledged.
I'm just going to continue to be me and make myself available for help.

Have a great day!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Very Frustrating

Wasn't I a beautiful baby. :-)
Actually I haven't found a recent picture of myself that I really liked, so I used a baby pic.
Well I've been trying to set up my blog but, my dumb computer keeps exiting out of the window everytime I enter something. So I need to click on my icon and get back to my home page then, go to the website, sign back in and keep on going. I'll need to look and see what I changed recently so it doesn't suddenly get rid of what I'm working on.
Other than that I'm having fun. I have other blogs but this one is fairly easy to use, might get rid of the other 2.
I had a really nice day. Went to talk with our awesome pastor and left feeling very good and hopeful. I'm concerned about my family and the stress we seem to be under. Knowing God will keep us strong and continue to guide our way is always relief.
Have a good one.