What we found out at Mayo Clinic

We learned a lot from going to the Mayo Clinic but I need to back track to Tuesday. On Tuesday we left the clinic with heavy hearts. We were told of 2 options that could happen. One that the "hot spots" in my back could be that my cancer had gone down into my back. Which meant they would send me home and they would throw anything they could at me. I had remembered that my ex-father in law had bone cancer. He was in terrible pain. That was something that I didn't want to go thru and scared of it.
The second thing was if the cancer hadn't traveled down my back then for the best chance at saving my life was to stay there, have a re-sectioning of my trachea and have powerful radiation. Over the course of 7 weeks. We could stay at the Mayo Clinic for free. Wasn't the best option but if they could save my life..... but it would take us totally away from our support system.
They needed an MRI done of my back so they could see what was going on there. I had that done Tuesday night.
The MRI went well. I found out that I'm not claustrophobic. :-) The background sound, sounded like an antique engine so that made me feel relaxed. Buddy's family collects antique engines so it was a sound I was familiar with. I concentrated on that noise as much as I could, prayed and thought of uplifting songs that I know.
Yesterday our appointment was with another oncologist. We found out what they felt was needed.
We really liked the doctor. He was very through all in his exam and took a lot of time with us explaining things and going thru everything.
He told us that in my back I have a benign stress fracture. It will need to be monitored. There is no need of a biopsy. When he showed us on the scan the section in question. It wasn't shaped in the nice square shape like it's suppose to.
Because there is so much of my esophagus involved surgery isn't an option. Your esophagus/windpipe goes down and splits into 2. One side goes to the right lung the other the left lung. My esophagus as you go down there is a lining that grows thicker and thicker to the point at when it gets to the right lung it's almost closed. So I've been operating on almost 1 lung. So I will need to undergo not chemotherapy but very strong radiation. They need to be careful because my spine is directly behind the esophagus and won't take a lot of radiation. So they will angle is out slightly. Radiation will be everyday for 6 weeks or longer. They may take a break in between in case I need a break. The side effects of radiation are esophagealtitus (sp?) sore throat, and fatigue. The other thing the oncologist told us is that the cancer may come back.
So although this wasn't the best news it was much better news.
I don't need to be concerned right now about my back. I am losing weight, my choice, on my own, with no medication. I've lost 32 pounds so far. I'm going to start doing yoga exercises and tai chi to strengthen my stomach muscles. That will help my back.
I won't have surgery, nor will I be having my treatments at Mayo Clinic. That was the other thing he told us. That my treatments can be done down here. So we'll be home with family and friends. That sounded wonderful to Buddy and I.
Thru all this time we've been depending on God to get us thru. Even tho we know that there are worse things I'll need to endure we know that God is with us holding our hands. We were showed that Tuesday with all the signs that we saw.
We go to see my oncologist Monday and will probably will start the radiation soon.
Thank you for all the support and prayers. We have really needed them and continue to need them.
We will stay in touch.
Love to you all,
Dawn and Buddy

~Sometimes God brings things to you because you have the strength thru him to deal with it. ~

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

~All Animals are God's angels, they give to us their unconditional love~.

~A dog has one aim in life...to bestow his heart. J.R. Ackerley~

One down and three to go

Well, we went to our 1st appoinment at Mayo's. We found out a few things that we didn't know before.
One is that they think I've had this cancer for awhile two, there are 2 hot spots that showed the PET scan. They need to find out if these two places are cancerous if so that means the cancer has grown past my chest cavity. How does that affect me? They can find this out by either a MRI or a bone marrow biopsy. I'll be doing that in DeKalb. Also my lymph nodes have enlarged to the point that my right side isn't getting much air. Gee no wonder I've been getting winded.
I have registered for research, so that they can learn more about my type of cancer and help someone else.
We will be here tomorrow, and Wednesday. I have a breathing treatment and see a radiation onocologist tomorrow. Weds. we see a medical onocologist. They say that I will need radiation along with chemotherapy.
Buddy has said that we are leaving on Weds. no matter what. We won't be here for Thanksgiving! We want to be with family.
I saw a pulmonary doctor today, we had wondered about that. Instead of sending me directly to an onocologist. We thought that probably we had to go thru the channels and needed to see the pulmonary doctor first. Get this doctor on board.
Anyway, this what we know so far. This wasn't the best news we could have gotten. It's still a slow growing cancer, but now how long have I had it?
I still trust God. He is in control of all of this. He will never leave me and my family. I firmly believe this. I'll stay in touch.
~hugs~,
Dawn and Buddy

~Sometimes God brings things to you because you have the strength thru him to deal with it. ~
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
~All Animals are God's angels, they give to us their unconditional love~.
~A dog has one aim in life...to bestow his heart. J.R. Ackerley~

The setting in of reality.

It's 1:30 in the morning and I couldn't go back to sleep. I've been up a couple of times but just to go to the bathroom and go back to bed but, this time I just couldn't go back to sleep.
I guess it's just the unknown. I'm apprehensive. I don't know what this looks like, Mayo Clinic. But I can remedy that with a couple of clicks of the mouse. I've always been one that if I had a "new" place to go to I'd go there first and then I'd feel secure. I know I'm secure because God has sent me here.
No, lets be honest. I know that after this appointment I'll start chemotherapy. It doesn't scare me but once again it's an unknown. I know what it did to my grandmother, the bad, and the good. The fact that she went into remission at least 3 times. So we had her for awhile longer. I'm consentrating on the good. I've been concentrating on the good since the very beginning. I guess also when the chemo starts reality of all this will set in for me.
Everything has been about the same except with going to different doctors. Now there will be another change.
I think that's what is bothering me the most....reality...it's setting in. I said I was in for the fight of my life. Now the fighting starts. God please give me your strength to do this.

A bit of good news!

It's so nice to write a bit of good news for a change. :-)
The results of the PET scan were somewhat positive. My onocologist, Dr Siddiqui originally felt that my cancer was a fast grade cancer. In possibly stage 4 with a 38% survival rate this is what I figured out. He did not tell me this. After getting the results he feels that it may a slow grade cancer in a much lower stage. The only negative was the fact that I have metal fillings in my mouth so, on the PET scan my mouth glowed. :-)
That is also the area he really wanted to see. So going to Mayo is even more important.
So far the treatment that we discussed was chemotherapy with an alternative medicine.
So things look a lot rosier than before. He did say that fast grade cancers can also look like this, but rarely. So I'm keeping that fact in the back of my mind but focusing on slow- grade and a longer life.
We, my family left the doctors office smiling instead of crying and that was a good thing.
Now I'm looking at catalogs for wigs and other things I will probably need.
I'll start some kind of treatment when we return from Mayo Clinic. So far I got poked twice today, for a flu and pneumonia shots.
I also walked out with some catalogs for wigs and all that. Because with chemotherapy I will lose my hair. I told Mom that it would probably grow back in white and straight! :-) I do have a couple that I like and the catalog with from the American Cancer Society.
I am very hopeful that I'll be able to sing and talk normally yet!

I then shall live

I then shall live as one who's been forgiven.
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child and I am not afraid.
So, greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother;
The law of love I gladly will obey.

I then shall live as one who's learned compassion.
I've been so loved, that I'll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.

Your Kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed Name, O may I bear with honor,
And may Your living Kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, O may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

Amen, Amen, Amen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxyBMQJuTuc


Correct this lyrics - View history

Video Ernie Haase & SSQ + Gaither Vocal Band - I Then Shall Live

Cancer

You know in my life I knew that I would need to deal with my heart problems and asthma problems. I have high blood pressure that I have inherited from my Dad's side of the family and also caused by being overweight. I felt that, that was all I would be dealing with and fighting. Cancer, well that is a foreign disease that maybe I would need to deal with later in life.
So, having a diagnosis of "adenoid cystic carcinoma" and possible life time left of 4 years, come on, get real.
But....I have been given diagnosis. I needed to regroup and refocus.
No way am I going to live just 4 more years! I have sons that are not married yet. I want to see them get married. I want to see my Grandkids be born and be Grandma.
I want to grow old with my husband. I want to see the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans. I know I have a lot of "I wants" but more than anything I want to live and grow old.
I have grown up believing that God is bigger than anything here on Earth and I believe that. So...in my mind I will see all the things and more that I have listed because, Jesus said, "By my stripes you are healed." And I believe that. So bring on the rain because it's going to bring God the Glory!

Jesus Loves Me

You know when I was little I sang this song in front of the residents at a nursing home. I'm not sure if this was a dream or if it's true. But I sure remember it as if it was the truth. I just needed to post the words and the song sang by the Gaither Vocal Band.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMCR4p5mSjQ
You will need to copy and paste. I've got to figure out how to put a video on here.
Jesus, He loves me
This I know
And Jesus, He loves me
For the Bible tells me so

Son of God
A Savior and King
You've taken away the sins of the world
So I raise my voice and sing

Jesus, He loves me
This I know
And Jesus, He loves me
For the Bible tells me so

Now I've held the hand of the devil
At the crossroads of my faith
And my Lord He came to rescue me
By His saving grace

And Jesus, He loves me
And this, I know
Jesus, He loves me
And you know He saved my soul

Jesus, He loves me
Jesus, He loves me
Jesus, He loves me

Jesus, Bring The Rain

"Bring The Rain" By Mercy Me

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU&feature=related

~Sometimes God brings things to you because you have the strength thru him to deal with it. ~

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

~All Animals are God's angels, they give to us their unconditional love~.

~A dog has one aim in life...to bestow his heart. J.R. Ackerley~

Find you Waiting

DecembeRadio has a song called "Find you waiting" I find it running thru my mind quite a bit this past weekend. These are the lyrics to this wonderful song.

I've heard the angels and I've seen the devil
Fought with the lion, sent through the fire
I've been in the valley when it was dry
Walked through the desert to the other side

I'm not a preacher and I'm not a hero
My life has never been that kind
But there is one thing that I hold onto
I am yours, and Lord you are mine

CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need a friend
And I find you waiting there for me

I've seen a widow cry through her sorrow
And still raise her hands in the midst of it all
And Lord I'm reminded what I was weary
You carried me, yes you carried me

CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need of a friend
And I find you waiting there.....

BRIDGE
In the midst of a struggle
There is one thing I know
You'll never leave me, no never alone

I've heard the angels and I've seen the devil
Fought with the lion, sent straight through the fire

CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need of a friend
And I find you waiting
And I find you waiting there for me

Waiting, I find you waiting there
I've heard the angels and I've seen the devil
Fought with the lion, sent through the fire
I've been in the valley when it was dry
Walked through the desert to the other side

I'm not a preacher and I'm not a hero
My life has never been that kind
But there is one thing that I hold onto
I am yours, and Lord you are mine

CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need a friend
And I find you waiting there for me

I've seen a widow cry through her sorrow
And still raise her hands in the midst of it all
And Lord I'm reminded what I was weary
You carried me, yes you carried me

CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need of a friend
And I find you waiting there.....

BRIDGE
In the midst of a struggle
There is one thing I know
You'll never leave me, no never alone

I've heard the angels and I've seen the devil
Fought with the lion, sent straight through the fire

CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need of a friend
And I find you waiting
And I find you waiting there for me

Waiting, I find you waiting there

In the middle of trouble I always know God is there with me and that I have a lot of comfort in.

Getting healthy

I guess getting healthy can take on all kinds of views and opinions. Today I saw many people I haven't seen in a long time. It made me happy to see people and that they recognized me. Maybe because I was with my Mom or maybe because I was with Buddy. You see sometimes people don't know me unless I'm with Buddy. It's never bothered me because I've always enjoyed being Buddy's wife.
I'm also need to take a healthy look at what I'm dealing with. Lately I've had a lot of upper back pain. At times to the point where I cry. Then I ask God to give me strength to get thru. And sometimes the pain lessens. It doesn't always but I still believe God has given me strength and is always there for me.
My pastor apologized to me that he misunderstood my diagnosis. But later on in the day I thought, I really don't know what my diagnosis is really. I have a tentative diagnosis of a tumor that could be carcinoid cancer but it's could be benign. So what does that really mean?
I guess that I'll find out on Tuesday. When I have a definite diagnosis.
Several weeks ago, or maybe a month ago, I found out a teacher and friend of mine was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She had a hysterectomy and is undergoing chemo/radiation. I had gone out and bought cards right away. But got sidetracked with spending time with Bobbie, having him put to sleep and then my surgery, and possible diagnosis. I had remembered about the cards. Do you think I could find them? Nope. So I sent her an e-mail telling her that she and her family were in my prayers. I did find another card to send her but I didn't want to send her just a card.
I have a book of bible verses for encouragement, faith, peace, etc. So I have written several of these verses on index cards. I felt what better encouragement to give her than God's perfect word.
I guess getting healthy has many faces. I just need to stay positive.....

Weeks getting harder and harder

I still miss my Bobbie especially now. He always took care of me when I was sick or hurting. It's funny how a dog can sense when you don't feel good or are low. I really wish he was here but I know that he so much more happier up in heaven with all my loved ones who have already past.
I continue to keep my positive attitude about having a diagnosis of cancer. I really don't know how else to be. Getting depressed just doesn't seem to help much. I just didn't think I would be dealing with this at this time in my life. In fact re-reading this and seeing the words cancer and me together just seems foreign. But I know it's true.
My upper back has been bothering me. It has for the past 2 weeks now, and I wonder if it's connected. Another question on my list of things to ask.
I've become a member of a carcinoid group. It has good information but I feel like I did when Rick was first dx. with MS. It all sounds so foreign. I'll know more Tuesday when we get the results back from Mayo Clinic.
All I know and I keep reminding myself is that God is in Control. None of this is news to him. He still loves me and is there for me.