It's 1:30 in the morning and I couldn't go back to sleep. I've been up a couple of times but just to go to the bathroom and go back to bed but, this time I just couldn't go back to sleep.
I guess it's just the unknown. I'm apprehensive. I don't know what this looks like, Mayo Clinic. But I can remedy that with a couple of clicks of the mouse. I've always been one that if I had a "new" place to go to I'd go there first and then I'd feel secure. I know I'm secure because God has sent me here.
No, lets be honest. I know that after this appointment I'll start chemotherapy. It doesn't scare me but once again it's an unknown. I know what it did to my grandmother, the bad, and the good. The fact that she went into remission at least 3 times. So we had her for awhile longer. I'm consentrating on the good. I've been concentrating on the good since the very beginning. I guess also when the chemo starts reality of all this will set in for me.
Everything has been about the same except with going to different doctors. Now there will be another change.
I think that's what is bothering me the most....reality...it's setting in. I said I was in for the fight of my life. Now the fighting starts. God please give me your strength to do this.